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A Space Traveller’s Guide to the Wild Atlantic Way



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Here in the tri-vector area, we enjoy our choice of galaxies, stratospheres and planets to visit when we’re looking for a relaxing orbit or a warp speed adventure. But what about that blue globe we keep hearing so much about?

Visits to Planet Earth are super popular right now, and it’s easy to see why. Off the beaten path and covered in water, it’s an extraterrestrial playground where you can really get away from it all.

Sure, leaving crop circles is fun and hovering about in our spacecraft while the Earthlings scratch their heads below is a howl, but what about getting the real Earth experience? One place you’ll find unique landscapes, intriguing residents and plenty of H2O is Ireland’s Wild Atlantic Way.

Store this guide on your micro memories, activate those nano-engines and chart a course for 400 million kilometres into the Orion Arm Galaxy, because it’s time to experience life as an Irish Earthling.

 
 

GOOD TO KNOW

Unlike many other planets, Earth boasts vast quantities of sodium-laden water. In fact, the Wild Atlantic Way itself is named after one particularly impressive (in Earth terms) ocean. This vast sea and the atmosphere that it affects can result in sudden, transformative elemental changes in mere moments.

While Earthlings on this swathe of land do seem to worship their reclusive sun, it is sky water (in its many varieties) that they are most familiar with - colloquially known as ‘rain’ (/reɪn/). Extraterrestrial visitors should be prepared for many elemental variations: strong ocean winds, blisteringly bright blue skies, horizontal and of course, vertical ‘rain’. Visitors should be ready to converse with the natives about these changes. To them it is an endless source of fascination and conversation, so do try to indulge them.

 
 
Watch out for tall objects en route that appear to be tethered spacecraft. Known as ‘lighthouses’, these are merely guides for Earth’s liquid vessels.
 

GETTING HERE & SEEING THE SIGHTS

Whether arriving via teleportation or steering your craft all the way into this orbit, watch out for where you land. It’s recommended you enter the route at one of the 15 Signature Discovery Points. These are signposted by a recognisable symbol and are considered some of the Wild Atlantic Way’s most spectacular sights. Watch out for tall objects en route that appear to be tethered spacecraft, known as ‘lighthouses these are merely guides for Earth’s liquid vessels.

If you do end up landing in one of the many angular green patches (fields), watch out for four-legged species. These range from cows (staring grass-eaters) and sheep (clouds with legs) to horses (long necks, swishy tails) and nearly-horses (or donkeys). There are also remarkable smaller species known as ‘sheepdogs’; not to be misunderstood as a species hybrid, Earthlings have efficiently trained them to watch their sheep!

If landing in or on water, there are also large non-legged creatures to consider. Don’t be alarmed though, like their on-land counterparts, they’re all very friendly. The underwater ambassador in these parts is a ‘dolphin’ (/ˈdɒlfɪn/) named Fungie and is a very welcoming being indeed. 

Looking for intergalactic-esque attractions that remind you of home? There’s the unusual (for Earth, at least) rocky landscape of the Burren, plenty of lone outposts like towering sea stacks, endless Mars-like sandscapes and of course those sibling satellites, the Skellig Islands

For sights that are truly out of our stratosphere, the coast’s Signature Discovery Points serve as quite a guide to its stranger terrain, from places where the land’s edges soar high over the crashing ocean to curiously springy water-sodden surfaces, not to mention places where wonderfully rudimentary transport is still in use! The Wild Atlantic Way promises rare marvels at every turn.

 
  • With much of its renowned food coming from the vast ocean itself, the Wild Atlantic Way is particularly revered for its seafood (two-eyed species only).
 

GETTING AROUND

While it may be tempting to hop on the back of one of those large species you find in the fields or the water, it’s advisable to avoid this option as many can find this quite annoying or even rude! When you need to travel to see all the amazing sights, the options on the Wild Atlantic Way are numerous, and include boats, trains, buses, cars, and bicycles. 

You can also always teleport in a pinch, but we recommend taking the human option where possible for that ‘authentic’ experience. 

 

WHERE TO STAY

Yes, we know that pile of slimy noodle-like fronds looks like the perfect slumbering station (it’s actually seaweed!), but trust us when we tell you humans totally take the cake when it comes to sleeping.

Known as beds, their sleeping pods are almost always extremely soft and inviting, and include pillows (a kind of cloud for the head), duvets (like longer clouds for laying atop the body), and, if you’re lucky, a soft, inanimate companion known as a ‘teddy bear’ (in fact the whole of Ireland is shaped like a teddy bear!).

On the Wild Atlantic Way, there are lots of these ‘beds’ to be found in warm and cosy pod stations known as B&Bs, guesthouses, hostels or hotels. And don’t worry about fitting in; the keepers of these establishments have seen it all and are very hospitable. 

 

EATING & DRINKING

Earthlings eat at least three times a day and these meals are interspersed with their hallowed life-affirming liquid - ‘tea’ (pronounced /tiː/).

With much of its renowned food coming from the vast ocean itself, the Wild Atlantic Way is particularly revered for its seafood (two-eyed species only). Along the coastal route there are many areas famed for their unique produce, from handmade cheese (a firm substance that definitely has something to do with those cow and sheep creatures) to pleasingly sub-zero ice cream, a chilly treat that young Earthlings in particular adore.

 
 
Signature Points are signposted by a recognisable ‘W’ symbol.
 

UNDERSTAND

 

Greeting Earthlings

Out here in space, it’s hard to know just how to greet a being from another planet. Do you let out a space-piercing screech? Lock tentacles? Use telekinesis at a safe distance? On Earth, things are much simpler. You may not speak the language (most Wild Atlantic Way humans make vocal sounds like ‘Hi’ or ‘What’s the craic’?), but a simple raising of your forward-facing tactile appendage (called a ‘hand’ here) will please most locals.

 

Music & Dance

What sounds like the tinkling of ice crystals in Saturn’s rings, can instantly programme a human with a particular mood and makes them flail their limbs about in a somewhat-rhythmic manner - sometimes for hours on end?

It’s called music and humans love the stuff. On the Wild Atlantic Way you can find a wide variety of different kinds, but many places are known for their Irish traditional music - a melodic sort played with very specific instruments that can be enjoyed anywhere, but is arguably the most fun in a pub. Don’t be afraid to flail your own limbs to the beat - you’ll be surprised at just how much fun it can be! 
 

Pubs

Speaking of pubs, no trip to the Wild Atlantic Way is complete without a visit to at least one. You can most often find these square pods humming with music and chatter in the evenings when the light from the sun - yes, they only have one! - fades away. An Earth night here can be as short as five or six hours or as long as 14 or more depending on the season, and there’s no better way to spend the dark stretches than in the company of Earth friends, sipping on a vessel of their black liquid Guinness and making small talk about that sky water.
 

Jokes

Wild Atlantic Way Earthlings love to joke. Called having ‘the craic’ or ‘banter’, some say it’s in their blood - scientific testing continues.

We can, however, confirm that, taken with good humour, banter can be quite enjoyable and is most often, albeit strangely, a sign of respect. If you find yourself the subject of a friendly joke, stay calm, laugh when the locals laugh, and whatever you do, don’t zap anyone when they refer to you as ‘Fish Eyes McGee’. 

 

Embracing the Wild Atlantic Way of Life

With these tips, you’ll be packed and zooming along the relatively short distance (it’s less than half a lightyear!) to Planet Earth’s Wild Atlantic Way in no time. One of the great things about this place is that no matter where you choose to explore, you’ll find your breath taken away (this is good), your mouth wide open (also good) and your heart singing as you absorb (but not literally) this wild and wonderful landscape in all its Earthly glory.

And that feeling spreading across your face? Why that’s what humans call a ‘smile’, and it’s what happens when you embrace the Wild Atlantic Way of life. Enjoy your trip.

 
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